Smart Separation

Divorce advice from “Experts”. Knowing when to pass.

Separation and Divorce happen every day to many families. Maybe because it is a life crisis that so many people face, family and friends often think they have helpful advice for you. Sometimes that’s true, but very often it is not. Because someone has been divorced themselves, or someone close to them has been through that experience, that doesn’t make them an expert.

Divorce can certainly be a time to lean on friends and family, but it is also a time to make sure that those who advise you are skilled professionals and are objective in the situation. Your family and friends are never objective, because they love you. When it comes to the advice of family and friends it might be best to remember what Oscar Wilde had to say, “The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself”.

Rosalind Sedacca has some good tips too:

Your family and friends all mean well. They want to support and help you through any crisis. But be aware that along with their support they bring with them the baggage of opinions and judgments that inevitably colour their advice. If you allow yourself to be influenced by the well-meant suggestions of these individuals, you may find yourself falling into a deep quagmire of confusion or even depression.

No one walks in your shoes and has experienced your history. At the same time, most everyone has an agenda, an opinion on what you should or shouldn’t do based on how they see the world…….

To read more of this practical, down to earth advice go to

I understand why people don’t know where to turn to when they first separate. They probably don’t want to go to a lawyer who might be expensive and go on the attack, when that does not align with the way they feel, and when what they really need is to express to someone the sense of fear and chaos that the world now presents them with.

Lawyers are not the first people to talk to about separation and divorce, despite that being some kind of odd tradition we have developed. Your GP, a counsellor or a financial planner might be more appropriate. And for many people, getting reassurance about how to look after their children and shield them from the fall out will be their highest priority, so a child specialist can be the most important professional in your orbit.

Better than any single option is to find a professional who can guide you into the arms of a collaborative team for support and advice in all areas that you need help with. After many years of seeing people flounder and spend needless amounts of time and money during their separation, I ensure that my clients have the opportunity to manage all their concerns under the one roof. And that goes for both spouses and their children.

I’m part of an interdisciplinary collaborative community, and the different professionals are able to work seamlessly to do what they all do best, at the right time, and at the right fee. If you’d like to learn more about what I think of as the gold standard for separating families, contact us today by calling us on 1800 960 064 or email us to arrange your consultation.