Thinking About Separation? What to know and what to do
“When I seriously decided to separate from Fiona, I had no clue where to start, so I started off by making a list of all the things I was worried about. That turned out to be a bad idea because it was a very long list, and it was all problems and no answers. I decided to speak to a few close friends who had been through it. That turned out to be a bad idea too, because they all told me some of the same things, but a lot different things too.
The picture that comes to mind when I think about that time is me being in a jungle. I was totally confused, and I was in pretty bad shape too; the thing that started to make a difference was when I decided to get professional advice. I guess I had put that off because of cost, but I was scared about what I would be told too. The reality was so much better than what my nightmares had me believing, even though there were very difficult aspects to it all”.
Six months after seeing us at Smart Separation Martin, aged 45, father, self-employed says now, “I’m OK. Actually, great, and I think Fiona is OK too”.
Everybody who is thinking about separation has at least a bit of ‘Martin’ going on we’d guess?
Here are some of our tips for avoiding a serious case of the Martins:
- Consider couples counselling. If not to save your marriage, to find a way to end it kindly
- See your GP, psychologist or counsellor for support, even if this is not ‘you’. It helps
- Consult Smart Separation or a sensible lawyer for peace of mind and to understand broadly what your rights and obligations are going to be
- How do you want your life to look in a year or two? Don’t ruin that vision; live up to it
- Think about what your spouse will be most scared about; can you give reassurance?
- Imagine this part of your life is a movie; be the good guy/girl
- If you have children, of any age, try to speak first about them; look for help with parenting and child support arrangements
- Know that financial information has to be openly shared. Don’t play games with that
- Ask your lawyer about their negotiation skills training; if they have none, run
- Accept that separation comes with cost, but make sure you spend your money on the advice that will help you to reach your goals
- Know when to ‘let it go’
- Know that you will come out the other side of this; it’s a phase of your life, not your whole life